If ever there were a person who could get away with wearing a Motley Crue t-shirt in a manner that’s neither ironic nor annoying and actually almost sort of appropriate, I tend to think I’m her.
For starters, I actually like(d) Motley Crue. If you gave me a couple minutes to think about it, it’s altogether possible I could name every song on every one of their albums, in order, from Too Fast For Love all the way through Dr. Feelgood. (I lost track after that, but who didn’t?) I’ve read “The Dirt,” and I’ve recommended it to everyone whom I believed might be able to make it through it without vomiting. I even still think that Nikki Sixx is kinda hot.
(If that isn’t a testament to the power of nostalgia, I don’t know what is.)
And perhaps as importantly, to my credit, I’m decently skilled at finding the sartorial overlap between what I like and what’s trendy. I wouldn’t wear a Motley Crue t-shirt just because I liked it, and I wouldn’t wear a Motley Crue t-shirt just because it was trendy. But if I owned a Motley Crue t-shirt that I liked, and such a time came to pass that it might be acceptable to wear said shirt somewhere other than to bed, you can bet I’d be stoked to pull it on and head out for a couple beers on a Saturday afternoon.
So I should be stoked about this, right?
T-shirt emporium Scout Vintage on Mulberry Street [is] a strange land where both reincarnated-as-a-hipster-go-to band Hall & Oates and New York punk legends the Ramones share the same real estate space.
Music! Fashion! What’s not to like? Well, I’ll tell you what’s not to like:
1. This stuff is vintage. Which, let’s face it, really is nothing more than a nicer name for second-hand crap; which, these days, really is nothing more than a nicer name for bedbug-infested crap.
2. Christ Almighty! Have you seen what they’re charging for this stuff? After noting that a “pretty awesome” Shout at the Devil-era Motley Crue t-shirt was running $188, the folks at Racked NY tell us:
Sensing a theme, we found that even though the golden days of hair metal are over, the genre is still hot stuff at Scout, commanding $128 for a baggy, faded Slaughter “Stick it to Ya!” tee and $148 for a gloriously high-haired White Lion tee. At first we were surprised that Van Halen was priced at a somewhat insulting $128, but then we realized that it was from the Van Hagar era. David Lee Roth would have bumped that back up to $168 at least.
Which brings us nicely to part three of why I’m appalled:
3. Reading the fashion bloggers at Racked NY talk about “Van Hagar” and “pretty awesome” Shout at the Devil t-shirts is kind of like seeing your parents “LOL”ing at your status update on Facebook: There’s just something painfully inauthentic and geeky about it.
And so, with a heavy sigh, I stand by silently as loathsome, trust fund hipsters cut another tiny piece from my heart and crush it under the weight of their ironic facial hair; majeggings; heavy-framed glasses with plastic, non-corrective lenses; and, it turns out, over-priced, bedbug-infested hair band t-shirts.
I’m kidding. I don’t actually care.